Thoughts All Over the Place

I’m currently lost in a world only familiar to a few; the world of Finch and Violet, and all their bright places. They’re two high school seniors who meet on the ledge of their school’s bell tower; their story begins there, and oh is it a very beautiful one. My feelings can’t stop shooting all over my body, and my hands can’t put the book down. As I type this, there are butterflies in my tummy so eager to fly to their world, but my fingers are fighting them; I have a blog post to write.

I’ve changed so much along the years, especially during my teenage years. I used to be so naïve; treating anyone who seemed nice like a best friend whom I told all of my personal matters to. I remember the kind of conversations I had during late middle school and early high school; always the same conversation but with different people. Silly me thought that to connect with people one has to spill their secrets out, and so I did. But that theory of mine failed; all those people of my teenage phase faded away, and the connections I thought existed were never there in the first place.

Silly me is much older now with new theories and beliefs about various aspects of life. So bear with me as I list a few: 1) I don’t believe that I could catch the flu if I go out straight after I shower. 2) I don’t believe that if, for example, I cancel on a friend using a fake illness of a family member as an excuse that I’d actually jinx their health. 3) I don’t believe that money can’t buy happiness, but I don’t believe that it does either. It’s much more complicated than that. 4) I don’t believe that there is such a thing as a white lie (except for extreme conditions). 5) I believe that friendships are exactly like relationships minus the physical attraction. 6) I believe that friendships are self-limited; there is the beginning, the peak, and either the plateau state or the end of it. 7) I believe that real love is the best thing in the whole wide world, only when it goes both ways. 8) I don’t believe that headaches go away when given analgesics. 9) I believe that all family members are important even if they’re the worst; they have to be present anyway. 10) I believe that I wasn’t brought to life to worry about the drama some people bring into mine. If they aren’t adding positive value to my life, they aren’t worth the trouble. 11) I believe in all kinds of dreams and that they’re much closer than we think they are; we just need to reach out for them. 12) I don’t believe it’s impossible for me to work as anything in the world. 13) I believe keeping at least a few secrets completely to yourself is the most respectful thing you’ll ever do to your existence.

From naïve 16 year old me to wise 21 year old me, I’ve grown to keep more secrets to myself and only spill out a few to very close friends. I’ve grown to choose which personal matter to share with all, with some, with one, or with none. I’ve grown to like the complete control I have over the things that come out of my mouth, and to whom I tell. I love how much control I have over my brain, my thoughts, and my empire that I call life – I’m the queen of that empire, and you don’t get to know the stories of it unless I allow it.

One story I leaked yesterday on my instagram story is that I can sing. Years ago, sometime during high school, I used to have a soundcloud account and I uploaded covers of songs on it. I’m not a powerhouse singer but I have a nice voice only when I feel like singing. I can’t deny though, that at some point in my life I wished to become a singer, but I also wished to become every other job in the world… When I was young, my mum planted this idea in me that I can be whatever I want if I set my mind to it. That’s why I never thought it was impossible for me to work as anything in the world. However, this isn’t how life works, so for now I’ll sing when I feel like it and embrace that I actually can.

My previous week was full of me analyzing who I was back then, who I am right now, and how I’ve made it this far. You can tell from how my thoughts are all over this blog post. Drop me a comment below with one of your theories or beliefs, or if you disagree with any of mine. I hope your week was as lovely as the spring will be. Happy March, everyone!